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How do you know if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship?

There might come a time where you wonder, “am I in an emotional relationship?” This is a good start, you have not been brainwashed yet. In order to avoid that happening, luckily, there are signs you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship and we’ll cover them below.

 

What is the legal definition of emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse, also known as psychological or mental abuse, is a harmful form of abuse that often plays a role in many family law cases. Emotional abuse involves exposing a person to behavior or language, through verbal speech-based harassment, that can result in psychological trauma.

Emotional abuse can seriously lower your self-esteem, and in turn, has a negative impact on your mental health. It can make you confused about your ideas of what love is. Abusive relationship signs can seem hard to identify in the beginning because love is brilliant – yet binding. If you think this is your situation, we have made a list of the warning signs of an emotionally abusive relationship.

 

1. Raised Voices

It is natural for couples to yell at each other from time to time. We all have our own triggers and length of the fuze. Yet if you were in a healthy relationship, your partner shouldn’t feel the need to resort to yelling within every discussion or disagreement. This is a red flag for a power struggle, as one single raised voice drowns out the other – what better way to shut down a point of view than being louder so they cannot be heard. Emotional abuse does not necessarily come hand in hand with physical violence but it does happen.

 

2. Overly Controlling

Emotional abusers will try to make you believe they know what’s best for you. Their controlling behavior, with even the slightest negative comment, can fill you with self-doubt, which can be debilitating to your independence. Their possessiveness of your time limits you, and can even make you unsure of what you really want to do.

 

3. Shutting Down

No one likes to be ignored. During a disagreement, emotional abusers will sometimes go mute – refusing to discuss things further. This can be heartbreaking if the topic is dear to you. Not only that but they will go through periods of being distant or absent, even though they’re physically present. This can lead you to feel like you don’t matter or dispensable.

 

4. Disappointment or disgust.

If you are in a healthy relationship, a conversation should be two-sided and respectful. If contempt becomes a theme in your relationship, it will result in nasty reactions like loss of interest, sarcasm, name-calling, or egotistical retorts. This verbal abuse is belittling coming from any loved one, like a romantic partner to a family member.

 

5. “If, Then” Statements

“IF you go out with your friends, THEN I will leave you”.

To some of us this is is an eye-roll type of statement. But to victims of emotional abuse, it can seem life-threatening. These threats are blackmailing intimidation tactics and they go hand-in-hand with your abuser’s need to control everything. Their intention is to take away your choice, make you feel like you’re obligated to stay – especially if the threats are of self-harm.

 

6. Overly Defensive

Your conversations cannot flow smoothly if it is constantly blocked by defenses. Positivity can be achieved by being open and honest with each other. If you feel you have to constantly defend yourself over the battering then that’s a red flag for an emotionally abusive relationship.

 

7. Unpredictable Mood swings

We all have tempers and off-days. But if your everyday lives are hindered by these moods, it can be seriously confusing. This battering leads you to walk around on eggshells, hoping not to trigger an outburst. Often this type of abuser will reel you back in after they explode on you unnecessarily, showering you with apologies, declarations, gifts, and more.

 

8. Gas lighting

This form of verbal abuse is belittling, to say the least. This is where your abusive and intimate partner will attempt to make you feel like you are crazy, or the reason for blame. If you express an idea and experience even just the slightest put-down from your partner, they are psychologically manipulating you into thinking you were wrong all along. This type of abuse requires no physical force, it is a verbal type.

 

9. Loneliness

Emotionally abusive partners want you all for themselves. They don’t want you to be happy outside of their company, so they try to convince you that your friends are against you, no one really loves you besides them, or that they are the only ones who will understand you. This is an isolating feeling which can be hard on your mental health.  Over time you almost start to believe your partner’s niggling statements that you start to recluse, avoiding them altogether.

 

10. Guilt

Due to the gas lighting, victims of emotional abuse often believe they are the reason for all the trouble in their relationship. They are made to believe they are to blame. This is accompanied by feelings of guilt or shame at having caused this negativity between the two of you.