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How to deal with sneaky manipulative people

The truth is these people don’t want to help you. They want to control you. They want to change you, not to better your life, but to validate their lives and to keep you from outgrowing them.

Once you let manipulative people in your life, they can be extremely hard to get rid of. They'll flip flop on issues, act slippery when you try to hold them accountable, and promise help that never comes.

Don't put up with passive-aggressive behavior.

Have enough confidence in yourself to actively deal with manipulative people as soon as you spot them.

Offensive People Hurt Performance.

Ignoring negative people increased the ignorer’s intelligence and productivity. Avoiding negative people is the best strategy.

But sometimes...  It's not enough. Sometimes a negative person is also sneaky and manipulative. In these cases, you have to apply different strategies.

 

Here are 8 strategies for dealing with manipulative people.

 

1. Ignore everything they do and say.

Manipulative people will use frustration and confusion to bait you into conflict. They want to get you emotional so they can see how you tick. Once they know the things that trigger you, they’ll use them to influence your actions.

A better strategy is to ignore them completely. Simply delete them from your life. If you can’t delete them right away, like if they’re a boss, coworker, or family member, agree with what they say and then go do your own thing anyway.

2. Hit their center of gravity.

 Turn the tables. If you’re forced to deal with a manipulative person who keeps making your life miserable no matter how hard you try to ignore them, go on the offensive.

Find their center or gravity. This center might be the manipulative person’s friend, manager, or subordinate. It might be a high level skill or an advanced understanding of a particular field. It might be a particular resource that they control.

Once you find out what their center of gravity is... Make it yours. This will throw them off balance and force them to focus on controlling their career and life, not yours.

3. Trust your judgment.

 Stop looking for other people to define you. Define yourself. Trust yourself.

What separates winners from losers is not the ability to listen to other people’s beliefs, it’s the ability to listen to one’s own beliefs.

Your beliefs are your boundaries. By setting your own beliefs and holding onto them strongly, you prevent manipulative people from affecting your life.

4. Try not to fit in.

Manipulative people want you to be consistent so they can count on you to push their agendas forward.

Consistency is how manipulators keep you in a box. It’s how they control you.

The only way to keep from being manipulated is to actively push against all the boundaries that others try to set for you.

Stop trying to fit in. Work to stand out. Work to be different in every possible way and to never stay the same for too long. 

 

5. Stop compromising.

Guilt is one of the weapons that manipulative people will use against you. They’ll make you feel guilty for past failures and small mistakes, or they’ll make you feel guilty for being happy and confident.That's what they want you to believe.

Another weapon manipulators will use against you is doubt. Doubt about your abilities and your worth.

Manipulators gain power in this state of uncertainty.

 The solution is simple... Stop feeling guilty. Stop doubting yourself.

When it comes to your own career and life, you don’t owe anyone anything. You deserve to feel good about yourself and to be proud of your accomplishments.

6. Never ask for permission.

 Manipulative people want you to feel beholden to some imaginary rule or ideal that says you cannot freely take action without asking them first.

The truth is you can take action to move your career forward whenever you want.

You can take complete control of your life right now without permission. The choice is yours to make.

7. Create a greater sense of purpose.

 Manipulators control purposeless people by peddling useless information and activities to them.

The only way to escape this fate is to develop a sense of purpose. When you know where you’re going, manipulators can’t hurt you.When you're focused, they can’t distract or misguide you.

8. Take responsibility for yourself.

 Have enough self-awareness and self-respect to say no to people who treat you poorly. No one can manipulate you without your permission.

You’re responsible for your own successes and failures. If others outthink or out-strategize you—it’s your fault, not theirs. Be accountable. Learn from your mistakes.