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10 Effects of Divorce on Children — and Helping Them Cope

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself that you’re doing what’s right for you and your family. Moving forward, try your very best to plan, understand the potential warning signs, and make yourself emotionally available to your child.

That all said, let’s jump in with some ways your child may express their feelings surrounding separation.

1. They feel angry

Kids may feel angry about divorce. If you think about it, it makes sense. Their whole world is changing — and they don’t necessarily have much input.

Anger can strike at any age, but it’s particularly present with school-aged kids and teens. These emotions may arise from feelings of abandonment or loss of control. Anger may even be directed inward, as some children blame themselves for their parents’ divorce.

2. They may withdraw socially

You may also notice that your social child has become quite shy or anxious. They’re likely thinking about and feeling a lot right now. They may seem uninterested or even fearful of social situations, like hanging out with friends or attending school events.

Low self-image is associated with both divorce and social withdrawal, so boosting your child’s confidence and inner dialogue may help them come out of their shell again.

3. Their grades might suffer

Academically, kids going through divorce may earn lower grades and even face a higher dropout rate compared to their peers. These effects may be seen as early as age 6 but may be more noticeable as kids reach the ages of 13 to 18 years old.

There are several possible reasons for this link, including that children may feel neglected, depressed, or distracted by increased conflict between their parents. With time, less interest in academics at the high school level may trickle over to less interest with furthering their education overall.

4. They feel separation anxiety

Younger children may show signs of separation anxiety, such as increased crying or clinginess. Of course, this is also a developmental milestone that tends to begin between the ages of 6 to 9 months and resolve by 18 months.

Still, older toddlers and kids may show signs of separation anxiety or may ask for the other parent when they’re not around.

Some kids may respond well to a consistent routine as well as visual tools, such as a calendar, with visitations clearly labeled on it.

5. Little ones may regress

Toddlers and preschoolers between the ages of 18 months and 6 years old may revert back to behaviors like clinginess, bedwetting, thumb sucking, and temper tantrums.

If you notice regression, it may be a sign of increased stress on your child or their difficulty with transition. These behaviors can be worrisome — and you may not know where to start with helping your little one. The keys here are continual reassurance and consistency in the environment — actions that make your child feel safe.

6. Their eating and sleeping patterns change

While body mass index (BMI) in kids doesn’t immediately show an impact, the BMI over time may be “significantly” higher than children who haven’t gone through divorce. And these effects are particularly noted in kids who experience separation before turning 6 years old.

Children in most age groups also encounter sleep issues, which may contribute to weight gain. This goes back to regression, but also includes things like nightmares or belief in monsters or other fantastical beings that bring about feelings of anxiety around bedtime.

7. They may pick sides

When parents fight, children go through both cognitive dissonance and loyalty conflict. This is just a fancy way of saying that they feel uncomfortable being stuck in the middle, not knowing if they should side with one parent over another.

This may show up as an intense need for “fairness” even if it’s harmful to their own development. Kids may also show their discomfort with increased stomachaches or headaches.

The loyalty conflict may become even more pronounced as children get older, eventually leading to a total break in contact with one parent (though the chosen parent may change with time).

8. They go through depression

While a child may initially feel low or sad about the divorce, children of divorce are at risk of developing clinical depression. Even more concerning, a few are also at higher risk of suicide threats or attempts.

While these issues can impact kids of any age, they tend to be more prominent with kids ages 11 years and older. 

Enlisting the help of mental health therapy is critically important for this reason.

9. They engage in risky behaviors

Abuse of alcohol and drugs, aggressive behavior, and early introduction to sexual activity are also possible. And this early “sexual debut” may be attributed to several factors, including modified beliefs about marriage and thoughts on childbearing.

10. They face their own relationship struggles

Finally, when parents divorce, there’s a good chance that their kids could wind up in the same position as adults. The idea here is that a split between parents may change a child’s attitude toward relationships in general. They may be less enthused to enter long-term, committed relationships.

And living through divorce shows kids that there are many alternatives to family models. Children may choose cohabitation (living together without being married) over marriage.